Sunday, January 26, 2014

The people you will meet in a choir

Aren't all choirs just a big dysfunctional family?

Hello lovelies,

Happy delayed New year! I currently find myself sick on the couch thinking of more posts that will tickle your fancy.

Lo and behold, I've compiled a list of people you meet in a choir. Some are super, some are villainous, and others may become your closest thing to a second family.
And what better way to demonstrate these theatrical personalities than through humorous pictures and gifs.

Here we go:

1.  The motherly alto

This specimen usually presents itself in motherly form or to be more specific: The Mrs. Weasley of the pack. The motherly alto will be the first person you will meet in a choir, has a purse packed with goodies and a stack of "MY NAME IS ___"  stickers.
While the sweets are well...sweet, the motherly alto will not settle for any stupid singing mistakes. You may want to know your music or you will be told to get your shit together. (see my post on faces of choristers part uno on getting your shit together.) 

2. The word vomit aficionado

There is always one. Always. Word vomit is this specimen's middle name and will never fail to interrupt rehearsal time to ask unnecessary questions and make comments.

"Why is the B flattened?" "There's way too much vibrato in this passage."

"Do you find it hot in here? I find it really hot." "Do you know the way to Santa Fe?"


3. The eager soloist

This chorister will stop at nothing to snag even those two-bar solos. She/he may be your best friend but if you also want that solo, you go for it, girl. Show that keener that you also sing LIKE A BOSS.

4. The diva

You knew this was coming, don't lie to yourself like that.

No matter how easy-going a choir is, there is always one person who sees things a little differently. Let's face it, everyone has an inner diva. Some people just lash out their diva attitude on a daily basis. If you ask me, I think they were cheese-deprived when they were young...

BRB getting gouda.

5. The hot one

Whether it be that dashing tenor with perfect teeth (and high B flat) or the Kelly Kapowski mezzo lookalike, you will encounter a hot chorister at least once in your life.
Climb that like a tree if you get the opportunity. Kidding. You can do whatever your little heart desires, even if that includes the simple enjoyment of eye-candy sent your way.

My advice: don't be creepy.

6. Grandpa Bass / Uncle Tenor and his witty jokes

They always chime in with those darn witty jokes at the best time in rehearsal:

"What do you call a woman singing during the holidays? CAROL!" Lololololololol.
Laughter can really be the best medicine. Bless their hearts.

7. The sway enthusiast

When one hears music, some may bob their head, hum along etc. Then there is the sway enthusiast. There is nothing holding this chorister back:

Head bobbing, eyes closed, feet tapping to the off-beat, shoulder-popping, clapping triplets. Sometimes the electric slide will surface.
In a nutshell, every muscle in their body is attuned to the music. This may come as a distraction to some, I see it as free entertainment.

8. The choir manager

As a choir manager myself, I think it fair to receive a degree is email management studies. A choir manager will send you 3+ emails a day and always has those annoying announcements at rehearsal break. All you want to do is eat your doughnut and go pee. Trust me, dear, all I want to do is drink wine and eat gouda at that point but I gotta get the job done first.
CM's are generally found with boxes of scores and a bottle of wine sticking out of their purse...yes they will likely offer you a glass of wine, as long as you sign the attendance sheet and not ask to send the schedule a third time.

9. The Stand Up guy

It's simple: there's always a tenor that stands up THE WHOLE REHEARSAL while everyone is sitting down. Do whatever you gotta do, man...

And finally...

10. The pitch-face enthusiast

If you've read my past posts on "Faces of choristers", the Pitch Face surfaces on a regular basis.

I describe the Pitch Face as a glorious absence of facial discreetness. If someone hits a wrong note, at least 10 pitch faces will occur simultaneously. Trust me, I see it every week.

Shit happens.

All in all, I love what I do and the people I sing with are a second family to me. If you feel you identify with the characters listed above, just know that you are the reason why I write these posts.
You are the reason why rehearsals are never dull. Let's share a glass of wine together, shall we?

Hope you enjoyed this post! I know I surely enjoyed writing it!

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